Comments to Paragraph 3:
1. There is some good information here but its hard to get to. The language is too informal, indirect and UNCERTAIN.
- Important note: NEVER, NEVER, NEVER talk about money in a SoP. Say what you intend to do in a best case scenario. Within reason, disregard financial restrictions. (There are other places on the application to discuss scholarships, etc.)
- Speak about the seminars and acceptance to the program more certainly.
- Rephrase "I want to be able to talk...".
- Discussion of research extension is the crux here. Emphasize this, (maybe even elaborate on it.)
2. Delete:
Sentence 3 (They could probably tell me...). It's not only unnecessary, it's almost insulting. ALL mention of scholarship money.
Paragraph 3:
If you would let me maybe I'd participate in the seminars to be offered in proposals and theses in functional English. I think that these might be useful to me. I also want to be able to talk with your linguistic psychology staff. They could probably tell me a lot. If I were to be accepted into your program, I'd be sure to put your name in my acknowledgements. I'm also interested in getting a scholarship, if you are offering any for next year. With scholarship money, I would be able to also extend my research from the theoretical to the practical, establishing a civic education project with the local school board to work with adult students for whom Statement of Purposes are a real nuisance but they need them. In this way, I could extend the scope of my paper to include practical analyses as well, with a concentration on success rates of various methodologies.
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